Because I am a petty little human who feels the need to defend everything I do, I’m going to expand on last week’s piece about fun. I posted a link to the essay on Facebook(!) because I am trying to expand my readership and that’s a community I definitely haven’t tapped into. People from high school and college I’ve totally lost touch with. Someone who I went to college with and can place the name but not their face, made a comment along the lines of how I must have been a real pill in New Orleans missing out on all of the fun or at least that’s how I interpreted it. And I wondered, why are you showing up here? This post is for great aunts and supportive people to come out of the woodwork exclaiming they didn’t know I had a blog! I know that sharing your work on the internet opens you up to criticism which I HATE but it also increases the likelihood of ever writing a book and getting it published if you’ve been writing for an audience over time. So it’s a growing pain I must endure.
Anyway, I think sometimes my writing and tone can come off as superior and that isn’t ever my intention even if I miss the mark. In my earliest blog posts I used to caveat everything I wrote with “but you do you!” “no judgement” etc. but that started to feel tired because I think that should be a baseline understanding between my readers and I, that I am never condemning a different way or saying that my way is right, I’m just sharing what I’m learning and feeling is the right way for me. More established writers hardly ever caveat their work with such disclaimers. To clarify, there is no shade towards those of you that love cruises and escape rooms and Broadway musicals. I also want to clarify that I am not against fun by any stretch and thinking about it this week has challenged me to define my idea of fun.
I was walking back from getting coffee this morning because that is one of my cheap thrills— to spend money on something I already have at home— and I was thinking about the overhaul of my website that I want to do. Actually an overhaul of my whole life (I blame the weather). And I was thinking about how to redesign my website now that I don’t really know what to call myself so that other people can understand what I do in the world. Currently it’s just a portfolio of production work but I’m not really doing much of that anymore and it doesn’t feel like an accurate tableau of what I’m up to so I want to redo it but the words are hard. Restaurateur sounds pretentious and I’m also not sure I can consider myself one yet, although really what are the remaining qualifications? Writer is one I’ve long wanted to claim but it felt fraudulent to do so. Producer is the only one that I felt I could own because it said that on my W2 or whatever the official document is.
I thought about sketching my new website out on paper first, a skeleton of what I think it should contain and I thought it would be really fun to just be free with it, scribble down what’s on my mind, draw misshapen objects, maybe get some markers out. I have dozens of cool markers (that have traveled with me several times across the country) but I don’t draw and I’m too afraid to play because I carry the narrative that I am not capable of drawing. While it is true that I can’t draw I think everyone can doodle and play. But it would be fun to have fun with the process of brainstorming the redesign versus confining it to a quick task that needs to be executed in an efficient manner. 642 words in, I’m arriving to my point of sharing what I do think is fun.
I am not boring, I swear. I’m just beleaguered by a lifetime of needing to optimize every moment of my life. A feeling that if I’m not always learning, connecting, developing an interest, bettering myself, or working towards something it’s just wasted time. I’ve been working really hard (there it is again) to try to abandon this line of thinking. Creativity is fun to me. Anything can be creative from this blog, to what I make for lunch, to the outfit I put together, to the way I decorate our home. In it its most base form creativity simply means to make something. But it’s become bogged down with needing to be good or marketable or profitable or palatable for other people. What about play? I’m inviting more play into my life. More improvisation, less focus on results. The challenge comes with adulthood giving us less and less opportunities to do this because there are so many responsibilities that don’t allow for the grace of making a mistake or for the freedom of experimentation.
I’ll be reading Free Play for more instructions on how to do this since I’ve forgotten something I was born knowing how to do.
Some things that are fun (in no particular order):
A walk in nature
Museum day
Making lists
Cuddling with dog and C (if there is room on the couch :-))
Ordering food and waiting in anticipation for its arrival
A fresh glass bottle of sparkling water with a wedge of lemon (Pellegrino or Mountain Valley are elite)
Walking in a city park when it’s perfect weather
A horizon line that stretches on for infinity
Trying new restaurants
Experimenting in the kitchen with C
Reading tarot cards
Watching reality TV like GBBO
Sun bathing
Swimming
Dinner with the girlies
Reading
Lying on couch with sun dapples coming through window
Travel
Taking a bath with Epsom salts and a variety of hair and skin masks
Seeing live performances by an artist you love
Karaoke
Meeting characters in NY
Finding a perfect book on someone’s stoop
Dancing
Yoga
The feeling of synchronicity
Going to a comedy show
Catching up with an old friend
Getting packages in the mail
Sending packages in the mail
Completing bucket list items
Coffee dates
Decorating your home
Getting in the zone/flow state with anything
The perfect item of clothing entering your life
Hosting a perfect dinner party
Seeing two people you love celebrate their love
Celebrating your friends success
Celebrating your own success (we should all do more of this!)
Getting out of your routine and doing something different
How does fun show up in your life? Give me some ideas. Looking to pick up tennis.
I love the list.
and this line
"I’m just beleaguered by a lifetime of needing to optimize every moment of my life. A feeling that if I’m not always learning, connecting, developing an interest, bettering myself, or working towards something it’s just wasted time"
Hi Lula
I find your writing savvy, studious and sassy. Glad I found you.
Aunt Victoria (Australia)